Tips on Coping With a Spouse with an Eating Disorder

Dear Readers,

This post comes after my lost post on Eating Disorders in Marriage. My Perfect Wife’s Perfect Eating Disorder.

Is it possible to have a happy and healthy relationship if you have eating disorder or are married to someone with eating disorder?

ED alters sufferes personality, like a drug, it can make one very low in confidence, ill, aggressive even, promiscuous, reckless and very self centred. With ED one is locked away in their own prison unable to communicate with the rest of the world. The ED tells them that they truly are a horrible person. They lose the ability to observe or analyse their own life, they have no understanding of their own behaviour and do not comprehend the risks they take when engaging in dangerous ED rituals. As a spouse of an Eating Disorder sufferer, dealing with such changes in personality is a tremendous challenge.

Always Keep in Mind:  Eating Disorder and a broken brain are largely invisible. The stigma of Eating Disorder exists in our society. It can cause a great deal of guilt and shame in sufferers. It’s imperative to seek treatment for ED as early as possible. Symptoms can become more severe over time, and for some people, ED can last for life time.

One of the greatest of deeds before Allah is showing kindness to the weak and the sick, taking care of them and looking after them. A relationship with an ED spouse can survive if the two people involved are fully aware of the illness they share and see their situation as a team effort and  make every effort to learn about and understand this disease together. They establish limitations and boundaries that must be respected in order for the relationship to exist and prosper. Honesty and a willingness to be open about the issues involved with eating disorder is vital.

I was asked by a husband on coping techniques. I’ve listed some below. I hope you’ll find them useful. Bear in mind as the spouse of an eating disorder sufferer, you may be called upon to do things you never thought you would ever have to do . You feel the ups and downs almost as painfully as they do. You are the one expected to be strong, take care of matters at hand. You are someone to be admired, you deserve admiration.

Some Coping techniques for Spouses of Eating Disorder Sufferers

You can take steps to help your spouse with ED. Learn about the disorder so you can relate to what your loved one is going through and know what to expect.  Encourage treatment as it’s paramount for recovery. Invite your loved one to accompany you for a walk or some other peaceful activity. It’s good for the person to rejoin the world. Show your support in all ways, and above all, be patient.

Keep in mind that in a given year, approximately hundreds of thousands of people suffer from ED. That means almost as many caregivers are dealing were with the disorder. You and your loved one aren’t alone.

  • You may dearly miss the person you fell in love with. Keep in mind that with proper treatments and your support, that person will come back to you. Eating Disorders can be beaten. Remind yourself that you can’t speed up the process of recovery as these things always take time.

 

  • Look for a support group for partners of ED sufferers. If there isn’t one in your area, consider starting one.
  • .Research and find reading material about Eating Disorders. Get to know what you and your spouse are battling against.
  • Go with your spouse to a few of his/her therapy sessions and talk to their therapist. Ask questions, listen to the therapist’s conclusions or views of your spouse’s care. Try to be interactive in their care rather than inactive. Don’t be overwhelming, though.

 

  • People who suffer from ED and enter recovery feel like they’ve lost control. Taking an active role in your loved one’s recovery can help to empower them. One good practice is to focus on repairing the rift the ED left behind. Encourage your loved one to spend time with family and friends and to leave the house for a little while each day.  The smallest action can help a person regain control.

 

  • Find time for yourself with such things as hobbies, walks, jogging, sports, and writing. Sometimes it helps to vent a bit of frustrated energy. You can go for a vigorous walk and clear your head.

 

  • When your partner is in a healthy mental state, talk to them about your needs and hurts. Don’t be confrontational, don’t blame, just gently tell them how you feel about things from your perspective. Forgive each other for unintentional hurt.

  • Remind yourself continually throughout the day that there will be better times ahead. Make it a mantra.

 

 

  • Allow yourself to reminisce about the good old times when you were both happy and give yourself hope that the good times will come again. Look through photographs of better days,  watch family videos. Spend time with the kids talking about funny family stories.

 

  • Eating Disorders are not a lifestyle choice- someone cannot simply choose to stop having an eating disorder. View your spouse’s illness as something you both have to fight as a team.

  • People often get stressed when their behaviors around food are questioned.

    Help monitor your spouse’s treatment/meal plan but don’t be military about it. “Just eat.” This might be your intuitive response to someone who refuses food — or to someone who’s bingeing, “Just stop eating.” These are among the least helpful comments you can make to someone with an eating disorder. Eating disorders have complex causes and can’t be willed away. Bear in mind there is a significant mental component and biological basis to the disorder which is preventing the sufferer from eating normally. With Eating, your loved one probably feels like control has been stripped away. Don’t make it any worse.

  • Help your loved one put feelings into words. Ask about specific feelings, and ask what you can do to help. Lastly, don’t give advice unless your loved one requests it.

 

 

  • If your spouse is hospitalized, ask family and friends to help out with the children, housework, cooking. Ask for help, this is very important.
  • When your spouse is enjoying good mental health, spend good time together. Go for walks, etc.

  • Try not to take unpleasantness personally. Your spouse’s Eating Disorder is not your fault . They may be emotional and irritable beyond belief. You must remember that most of the time it is the illness talking, not them. Remember the suffere is not trying to hurt YOU, it’s their illness that is lashing out at you.

 

  • Learn to relax when you don’t have to be on guard. Treat yourself ever so often. Allow yourself to sleep in one day a week.

 

  • Don’t argue with your spouse when they are in a deep ED state . It is of no use. Their ED will not allow them to see your point of view and it will just cause more tension for everyone. The symptoms of eating disorders are so alarming that it is easy to forget that there is still a person behind them. As much as you can, try to have normal conversations involving their interests and opinions, so that they feel there is a person that exists beyond the ED.
  • If your spouse is hospitalized, talk to their treatment team about their progress. It is a great way for you to get daily updates on your spouse’s condition. Total involvement increases the sufferer’s anxiety but ‘I’m with you and here for you whenever you need me’ works better.

  • Don’t have high expectations of someone in poor mental health or in recovery. You are setting yourself up for disappointment. “To love someone with all of your heart requires reaching them where they are with the only words they can understand.”
    Shannon L. Alder
  • Do not turn to unhealthy habits to take away your pain and frustrations. You need to be strong for you and your spouse’s welfare.

  • Laughter is always good medicine. Rent a few comedies and watch them. Laugh.
  • If you have become so resentful and angry at your spouse that you have begun to experience marital problems, consider visiting a marriage counselor when the spouse is mentally stable.
  • Don’t make body comments of any kind, these are simply unhelpful.
  • Don’t Force food on your loved one. Try to see food through their eyes – they are phobic about it and it frightens them. Remembering this can take some of your tension away.
  • Don’t blame everything on your spouse. It is not their fault that they are ill.
  • Don’t blame everything on yourself. That is not fair.
  • Try to focus on what is best for both of you. Don’t try to take over and cope for them.
  • Don’t get muddled up with all that is wrong with your spouse. Instead, look for the person trapped deep inside, the one you dearly love.

 

Recovery is not a simple linear path. Telling a person that they have to recover in a short amount of time will add even more pressure to them. Additionally, if they do not recover in the time limit you set, they will believe they have failed. Everyone is different and people recover at the rate that is relevant to them. This is not to say that you should not encourage, but do not place unachievable time limits on a person in recovery. Recovery does take a long time, so everyone involved needs to be patient. (Mirror-Mirror.org)

 

Downloads:

Supporting a partner with an Eating Disorder

 

 

Reference:

http://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com

http://www.mirror-mirror.org

http://www.healthyplace.com

 

 

Posted in Affirmations, Bulimia, Downloads, Eating Disorder and Islam, Eating Disorder Recovery Tips, Eating Disorders, Eating Disorders Islam and Getting Married | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

10 Tips for Understanding Someone with ED

Dear Readers,

Few tips for understanding someone with an ED. I received an E-mail from a father who believed that his daughter was refusing to maintain her weight because she wanted to punish the family for imposing rules on her. The sad fact about Eating Disorder is that it creates many problems and conflicts in the families.  Some families believe (where there is lack of awareness of this illness) that a person deliberately and consciously behaves in such distorted way (i.e. refusing to eat and refusal to give up dieting and exercise), when he or she is simply fine and nothing is really wrong with them.

Key is in getting equipped with the information and knowledge to understand ED.

Few months back, I was attending a workshop on PTSD and I was given this handout on heal my PTSD with

 

I’ve adopted the following information to help explain ED.

 10 Tips for Understanding Someone with ED

ED makes communication difficult. Many sufferers can’t find the words to express what they’re feeling. Even when they do, it’s very normal for them not to be comfortable sharing their experience. Elements of shame, fear, anger, guilt and grief often get in the way of a discussion.

Friends and family (and anyone else who is not the source of the ED but is standing by while someone attempts to heal) need something that translates ED language. Armed with knowledge, insight and awareness you’ll have an easier time knowing how to react, respond and relate to your ED loved one during the healing process. The more you appreciate things from the ED perspective the more helpful and supportive you can be. Now is the time for empathy, compassion and patience.

The list below will give you an overview of things to understand. For more in-depth information – plus content specifically geared for you, the caregiver – check out these booklets on ED.

How to Help Someone W ith an Eating Disorder

Eating Disorders

ParentToolkit- NEDA

#1 – Knowledge is power. Understanding the process of a triggering event, the warning signs and symptoms of ED, and available treatment options for ED allows you to help recognize, support and guide your ED loved one toward diagnosis, treatment and healing.

We need you to be clearheaded, pulled together and informed.

Please download this guide for free on Eating Disorder: EDA-Understanding-Eating-Disorders

#2 – ED changes us. In recovery we want to believe —as do you—that life can return to the way it was; that we can continue as who we were. This is not how it works. ED Leaves a huge and indelible impact on the soul. It is not possible to endure ED and not experience a psychic shift.

Expect us to be changed. Accept our need to evolve. Support us on this journey.

Supporting an Adult with an Eating Disorder Guide

#3 – ED hijacks our identity. One of the largest problems with ED is that it takes over our entire view of ourselves. We no longer see clearly. We no longer see the world as we experienced it before ED overtook our lives. Now every moment is dangerous, unpredictable and threatening.

Gently remind us and offer opportunities to engage in an identity outside of ED Prison.

#4 – We are no longer grounded in our true selves. In light of ED our real selves retreat and a coping self emerges to keep us safe.

Believe in us; our true selves still exist, even if they are momentarily buried.

#5 – We cannot help how we behave. Since we are operating on a sort of autopilot we are not always in control. ED is an exaggerated state of survival mode. We experience emotions that frighten and overwhelm us. We act out accordingly in defense of those feelings we cannot control.

Be patient with us; we often cannot stop the anger, tears or other disruptive behaviors that are so difficult for you to endure.

#6 – We cannot be logical. Since our perspective is driven by ED, we don’t always think straight, nor do we always accept the advice of those who do.

Keep reaching out, even when your words don’t seem to reach us. You never know when we will think of something you said and it will comfort, guide, soothe or inspire us.

#7 – We cannot just ‘get over it’. From the outside it’s easy to imagine a certain amount of time passes and ED gets relegated to the history of a life. Unfortunately, with ED nothing fades. Our bodies will not let us forget. Because of surging chemicals that reinforce every memory, we cannot walk away from the ED anymore than you can walk away from us.

Honor our struggle to make peace with events. Do not rush us. Trying to speed our recovery will only make us cling to it more.

#8 – We’re not in denial—we’re coping! It takes a tremendous effort to live with ED. Even if we don’t admit it, we know there’s something wrong. When you approach us and we deny there’s a problem that’s really code for, “I’m doing the best I can.” Taking the actions you suggest would require too much energy, dividing focus from what is holding us together. Sometimes, simply getting up and continuing our daily routine is the biggest step toward recovery we make.

Alleviate our stress by giving us a safe space in which we can find support.

#9 – We do not hate you. Contrary to the ways we might behave when you intervene, somewhere inside we do know that you are not the source of the problem. Unfortunately, in the moment we may use your face as ED’s image. Since we cannot directly address our ED issues sometimes it’s easier to address you.

Continue to approach us. We need you to!

#10 - Your presence matters. ED creates a great sense of isolation. In our depressed/struggling state, it makes a difference to know that there are people who will stand by us. It matters that although we lash out, don’t respond and are not ourselves, you are still there, no matter what.

Don’t give up, we’re doing our best.We want freedom as Well.

Posted in Affirmations, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, EDNOS, Inspirational Quotes, Recovery | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

My Perfect Wife’s Perfect Eating Disorder

 

Dear Readers,

Several weeks ago, I was in a conversation with a husband whose wife suffers from Anorexia. Having a spouse with an Eating Disorder can be very challenging. The Eating Disorder inevitably becomes a third wheel in marriage. A married person with Eating Disorder is often not aware of the full impact their disorder has on their partner, children, or other family members.

Eating Disorder in marriage is a destructive third wheel.

Please read the story below.

I got married at the age of 26. I was at a Conference in DC in 2002, where I met my future wife.  We got engaged and married in 2004. We planned everything together, our mortgage, our bank balance, our future children, our pension scheme and our retirement. Like mature couple we dealt with career relocation so it could help my wife with her career progression. We agreed that 2010 will be a year for us to have our first child and in 2014 we’ll have our second child.

How did We Discover Ana, a Third wheel in Marriage?

In 2009, my wife told me she didn’t want children. She wanted to focus on her career. It’s so easy for a couple to fall into a downward spiral when the spouse behaves in such strong way. We spent good part of 2009 arguing. We then sought help from a marriage Councillor. It was during those sessions that anorexia was picked on. She told our councillor that she was terrified of gaining weight and getting fat and just couldn’t go through such body changes.

 

Anorexia at the age of 30? I was more baffled than anything.  She was always thin, always in control and always conscious of her weight. I simply accepted her for being naturally thin, always in control and  very disciplined.

People suffering from anorexia do genuinely need to be in control of their lives; they need to feel special and they need a sense of mastery.

Anorexia in Older People

There is increasing research showing that eating disorders affect many older adults than previously thought and that both men and women are vulnerable.

After some sessions with psychiatrist, we discovered that My wife Sana suffered from anorexia from her teen years, but it went unnoticed and undiagnosed because she managed to function well and do well for many years.

What surprised the treatment team was Sana’s ability to live with anorexia for so long, to hold down such a high-profile job, maintain her relationships and appear very normal in everyday life.

Sooner I found myself facing a bigger problem. Her weight loss was more notable and it was all put down to stress at home. When one of the partner has opposite wants, this changes the balance and affects the marriage.

Family Dynamics Change Because Of Eating Disorder- Eating Disorder dictates the way family dynamics work.  Instead of being moved by mutual love and family interest, the Eating Disorder pushes people around according to its rules.

As the gap between us widened. My wife was forced to take leave of absence from work. She entered treatment program in late 2011 and that’s when everything started to fall apart.  All those behaviors, rituals, dietary guidelines that she followed religiously were now put into question. With Anorexia, the behaviors a person adopts become a part of everyday life.

  • Veganism
  • Always weighing/measuring food
  • Only eating at a fixed time
  • OCD rituals around Cleaning
  • Long Working hours
  • Inability to sit still
  • Compulsive Exercise
  • Anger, Mood Swings
  • Blaming others
  • Never Happy

 

Eating Disorder In Marriage Creates A Blind Spot

Perhaps the most damaging aspect of Eating Disorder is the blind spot it creates for the affected person.  It distorts their ability to perceive what’s happening to them.  They can’t take other people’s perspectives as well as they used to.  Beyond this, they don’t realize how much these abilities have been deteriorating as the Eating Disorder has progressed.

It’s very difficult to help someone who doesn’t believe they can be helped. I couldn’t supervise her meal times because it simply lead to another argument. She became very defensive when any of us tried to question her decision to exercise or choices around her food.

Marriage Counselling

The marriage counseling was another challenge. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to make her doubt my commitment to her, but through the counseling I learned I am part of the problem. During the sessions, all we focused on was what’s wrong with each other.  We always argued after our therapy session and it took hours for us to calm down.

“Maybe you need a separation in order to figure out whether you really want this marriage” our therapist told us.

 

Time to Say Good Bye

I never had serious doubts about our future until recently when my wife made it clear once more that she does not want to have children or treatment. We spent good part of 2011-2014 trying to make our marriage work. After many therapy sessions, fights, arguments, trial separations and failed treatment programs, the time has come to say Good Bye to Each Other. It took me 10 years to understand the nature of my wife’s illness. Eating Disorder is a deceptive cunning disease.  In four years she gained a fraction of weight and then she lost that weight. In marriage Eating Disorder is like an ungrateful house guest.  It puts itself in the middle of the relationship and pushes to have its way.  It may stay cloaked for some time before anyone finds out the truth.  Eating Disorder can disguise itself as perfectionist, control freak, healthy eater, fitness lover, workaholic, or highly creative ambitious person.  These can be Eating Disorder symptoms or distractions from deep emotional pain. So what does a man do when he discovers his wife no longer wants to be a mother? Where do his dreams of becoming a family man go? All I know is I can’t be happy forfeiting my chance to be a father. I am afraid that she’ll never be ready for children. She’s lived with anorexia for so long that now it has become a part of her identity. Now as we near 2015, the option is we go our own separate ways.

 

Eating Disorder Divorce

I don’t know much about eating disorder divorce rates in Muslim culture. Divorce is a harrowing experience. In Islam, divorce is disliked in the eye of Allah. So far I’ve come across three cases of divorces on this blog, all resulting from eating disorders. And more cases where families intervened to make the relationships work, by using mediators. The Eating Disorder itself doesn’t lead directly to divorce, it is the consequences of not addressing the illness and not getting the treatment. Divorce is often a prelude to downward drift where the person with Eating Disorder seeks and receives less treatment or refuses treatment, suffers more frequent and more serious mood swings, anxiety, depression, encounters problems with life in general, and experiences deteriorating finances and physical health.

For the Eating Disorder spouse, the divorce may lead to a number of difficulties that compound their mental, emotional, physical, and financial difficulties. Many studies show that living alone or being single often leads people to stop complying with their treatment plans in general. For the spouse who does not have Eating Disorder, the consequences of divorce are pretty much the same as for anybody else, they may get severely depressed or just get on with life and be happier and healthier, either as single people or as part of a new couple.

The difference lies in getting treatment - there’s no other way around this. Always remember Eating Disorders kill and destroy families. Eating disorder is a confusing condition, especially for someone viewing it from the outside. In other words, marriage to a person with eating disorder who is in treatment and not using eating disorder behaviours is pretty much the same as being married to a “well” person. Once the spouse is stable, it is possible for both partners to gain insight into eating disorder and its impact on both partners – both as individuals and on their marriage.

 There is hope, even when things seem very dark.  If this is your situation, please don’t give up hope.  Things can get better, but you have to know what’s going on and what to do. Speak to Your GP.

This is a wonderful guide by BEAT on : Supporting a partner with an Eating Disorder

Posted in Eating Disorder and Islam, Eating Disorder Stories | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Healing Foods for Digestive Health- Princess and the Pea Pancakes

Dear Readers,

Another Brilliant Day of Learning and Exploring by ION. Healing Foods Series is back: and on Saturday 11th October, the workshop focused on Healing Foods for Digestive Health

This course was run by Belinda Blake and gave participants a chance to learn and taste the foods traditionally used for supporting digestive health.

Refeeding and Eating should all be about ease, comfort and supporting your well-being,

Refeeding and Eating should all be about ease, comfort and supporting your well-being,

Eating disorders affect digestion health. A deficiency in digestive enzymes will lead to the bodies inability to properly digest food and absorb nutrients. This can lead to malabsorption problems, malnutrition and electrolyte imbalances. Diseases that may be triggered by a history of an eating disorder include: Celiac Disease (gluten sensitivity), and Crohn’s Disease Healing the body after suffering from an eating disorder is a process that takes care and time. There are very few Eating Disorder Centres (and especially at NHS) that deal with Digestive health issues or use specific foods that can aid in easing digestive-health related problems. I don’t ever remember my dietitian telling me about the role of acids, enzymes and choleretic foods for a good digestive health or about the role of probiotic, fermented foods & the gut ecology. I had to conduct my own reserach and had to incorporate some Prebiotics and some fibre in my diet at home. This workshop covered all aspects of good digestive health and it should form an integral part of Eating Disorder Recovery programm at the centres.

Please find below a fabulous recipe from the workshop to suport your health and gut integrity.

Princess and the Pea Pancakes

Makes 10-12

good source of protein & fibre

Ingredients

225g frozen peas (defrosted)

1 egg

1 egg yolk

3tbp plain flour (gluten-free flour also works well)

3tbs yoghurt (use soya yoghurt if avoiding dairy)

A little black pepper and sea salt

 

Method:

Place the peas, egg, egg yolk, flour and yoghurt into a food processor or liquidizer and whizz until smooth.

Gently heat a frying pan (you can add oil or coconut butter, but these ‘dry-fry’ very well).

Drop dessertspoons of the mixture into the frying pan, leaving space between them to spread out slightly. Cook for about 2-3 minutes, until golden brown, then turn over and cook on the other side for the same time.

 

These are good served warm with a fresh tomato sauce and grated cheese. Serve three pancakes one on top of another with a whole pea hidden under the bottom one, just like the mattresses in the fairy story.

 © Belinda Blake, Caterpillar’s Kitchen 2014

 

Belinda Blake DipION, NTC, CNHC registered, mBANT- Belinda is an experienced nutritional therapist and lecturer with a passion for food and a creative approach to teaching. She has long been fascinated by the traditions behind the use of foods for healing and so her workshops not only embrace the science that helps us to understand their properties, but also their rich anecdotal histories.

Belinda has a special interest in women and children’s health and is a trustee of Endometriosis SHE Trust. Along with her colleague, Nicola Moore, Belinda has developed the Eat Yourself Fabulous teen programme which has been designed to help teenage girls make the connection between what they eat and how they feel. For younger children, Belinda runs the Caterpillar’s Kitchen Cooking Clubs which teach nutrition in a relaxed and friendly environment, gently motivating children to try new foods and develop their cooking skills whilst having fun.

 To Contact Belinda Blake:   020 8941 9259
  blakenutrition@googlemail.com

 

 

 

 

 Source: http://www.ion.ac.uk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Congratulations Sarah Naeim- After Recovery It’s a Road to Happiness

 

 

 

Dear Readers,

 

Another one of our reader and a dear friend who battled Eating Disorder is getting married.

Sarah Naeim is a highly charismatic figure. A dear friend and a true inspiration. She worked on Youth Empowerment, became an Entrepreneur and started her own company Sugar Town, where she baked and sold the most fabulous cakes in the whole of Cairo.

Please read her truly inspiring recovery story here.Eating Disorders Egypt – From 110 Kilos to Anorexic Weight

 

After Recovery, You have to face reality, real life and real people and this requires some deep work.

 

Love Yourself, Accept Yourself, Forgive Yourself

 

Healing Family Relations- After getting to a healthy weight, came a cycle of healing the relationships that Eating Disorders tore apart . Sarah worked on that. It’s important to set yourself free, Forgive others without resentment and most importantly, forgive yourself.

Pema Chodron: “Feel the feelings. Drop the story.” That is the pith advice and it means turning toward what you feel, not away. It means letting the feelings be just what they are without trying to explain them, shore your self up, or excuse or blame anyone. This is called being a warrior. The more you allow feelings to burn clean in this way, the less confusion you create.

 

Eating Disorders are more than restoring your weight. It’s also about forgiving forgetting and healing the relationships with your loved ones.

 

Your Health is your Wealth

What I find truly remarkable about Sarah is her commitment to her health and her well-being. She taught me a very valid lesson that a road to recovery differs from person to person. In recovery. Sarah used the approach that is quite different from the usual advice books. According to her, “If you exercise balance, then nothing in this world is unachievable.”  Sarah loves exercise, but she likes exercise for its holistic and mind benefits and not for losing weight or feeding the desires of the demon of Eating Disorder.

With mental clarity and emotional stability comes the ability to see your entire life as path.

Today, I am so proud of a girl who defeated this illness all by herself, took responsibility for her-self and became a source of inspiration for so many girls in Cairo and across the world.

 

When your defeat your Eating Disorder, You View your whole life as path.  You realise that you have created the foundation for an entirely authentic life, one full of joy and sorrow, meetings and partings, giving and taking, and deep meaning. The defeat of the demon of Eating Disorder has led you there.

 

When your mind is free from the thoughts of food and weight loss, you see God and the beauty of God.

 

Now she’s finally getting married, after she very consciously recognised that her illness was in remission. Today she’s more powerful than her Eating Disorder. It’s wise to enter a relationship with a clear mind and with strength, so you can match your partner step by step on this life long journey.

You work towards achieving a sense of clarity in your mind and stability in your heart, when you achieve that, you finally see life for its beauty.

Always Remember Eating Disorder can never be made safe. It is the opposite of safe. The moment you try to make it safe, it forever imprisons you. Don’t give into false lies of your Eating Disorder. Eating Disorder is a silent killer. Say No to this illusion of safety.

 

Posted in Eating Disorder Stories, Eating Disorders, Eating Disorders Islam and Getting Married, ED Travels, Inspiring People in Recovery | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Bulimia Food Addiction: What Part of the brain is responsible and how to fix it?

Bulimia food addiction: what part of the brain is responsible and how to fix it?

I love this article by Karen Phillips. I cannot thank her enough for her  brilliant E-mails. She sheds a complete new light on ED. For some reason I find her books and treatment methods very helpful and intriguing.

Happy Reading!

Dear Maha,

I hope you are enjoying the articles I am sending you and you are putting into practice or getting your loved one to also read them.

It is important to continue to understand just what needs to be done to defeat these terrible inflictions.

If you are still struggling with anorexia or bulimia or your loved
one is, you have simply not learned enough yet, that is all. It is not
you or your loved ones fault as it does take longer for some people
to change their sub conscious mind.

Once you understand that it is the sub-conscious mind that is causing all your problems, You will be well on your way to health.Here is another article to help you.

Karen.

Bulimia food addiction: what part of the brain is responsible and how to fix it?

Bulimia (bulimia nervosa) is an addictive eating disorder which begins with physical cravings then evolves into a mental obsession and finally turns into a spiritual illness. It usually comes from an unresolved trauma (emotional, psychological or even physical) earlier in life.

The question is what is the mechanism of developing a bulimic food addiction? What happens in a bulimic brain when she/he develops bulimia?

Here is the short and simple explanation. Our brain consists of two halves (called hemispheres). Both hemispheres are covered by a thick layer called the cortex. The cortex is the conscious part of the brain, the part we think with (just logic thinking). But this part of the brain is not responsible for our feelings.

We have another small part of our brain, which lies between the two hemispheres and connects them. This little part is called the limbic system. The limbic system as discussed in the next section, is involved in regulating emotions and motivations. In addition, parts of the limbic system, the amygdala and hippocampus, are important for memory.

The limbic system does not have a conscious thoughts it has only feelings. In other words, the limbic system is what we call our subconscious or subconscious mind.

It has been found that people with emotional problems have an imbalance of the limbic system or subconscious. This includes problems like anxiety, depression, eating disorders, alcoholism and other addictions.

In the period of acute stress, we also have an imbalance in the limbic system (or subconscious) – that is why stress affects us, not only emotionally, but mentally and physically as well.

After stress, some people recover quickly – and we call them “strong people.” What “strong” actually means is that they know how to affect their limbic system (subconscious) and put it in balance.

The question is: how to influence the limbic system and put it in the right balance?

The answer is: the cortex, which is the conscious part of the brain
and through this we have influence over the limbic system the non-conscious part. The cortex, which makes decisions for us, learns new things, and understands things for us, should influence the non-conscious part of the brain by giving signals to the limbic system to work differently.

Most eating disorders are a learned behavior. Initially you taught
yourself to diet, or to become slim. Initially it was your own conscious decision to lose weight because you wanted to look better. This conscious decision was made by your cortex and sent to your limbic system, which then gave you feelings (like feeling good about yourself when you become slim).

So, what you need to do is reverse this faulty teaching; you (or your cortex) should make another decision (about changing your own image and feelings that you have now, like starving yourself or purging, back to a normal response) and send a signal to your limbic system to foster good feelings about yourself and make new decision about your life.

How do you do this? There are lots of examples how this works. There are special new programs that can automatically affect the limbic system of your brain (the part of the brain where the eating disorder lives). These programs can identify and eliminate your subconscious blockages that created your eating disorder in the first place.

To conclude, bulimia food addiction develops as a result of subconscious processes due to unresolved trauma or strong dissatisfaction with one’s body image. The limbic system is responsible for developing the problem but the conscious part of the brain (cortex) can affect it and reverse the abnormal mental process.

To learn more how to do this read http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=J1f3.&m=1mYUtvf0sJOP2j&b=b0HP5GmEApdS0dZJgD_bcQ

Dr Irina Webster.

www.mom-please-help.com

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Recovery- Inspirational Quotes by Imam Ali

“Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant and interesting.”
Aldous Huxley-

 

Dear Readers,

 

Here are some more inspirational quotes by Hazrat Imam Ali (ra), son in law of Prophet muhammad (saw). I hope you’ll find them as inspiring as I do, and will apply them in your life. These are timeless, beautiful concise gems, expressing wisdom, and awakening motivation, inspiration and happiness. In order to beat the negativity of your Eating Disorder, read these quotes carefully. Think how you can use its message in your life. Look deeply into it, to find the inner meaning in it.

 

You can benefit much more from Inspirational Sayings, if you do the following: Read it a few times. If something within you resonates with the quote read it every day, no just once, but a few times. It would be a good idea to copy or print it, and put it where you can see it often. A quote that is repeated often, act just like affirmations, and can affect your mind and behavior in a positive way if you read them often.

 

“Your cure is within you, yet you do not sense it! Your sickness is from you, yet you do not see it! You consider yourself a small body; Yet encapsulated within you is the entire universe!”

There is no greater wealth than wisdom, no greater poverty than ignorance, no greater heritage than culture, and no greater friend and helpmate than consultation.

Whoever wants to be a leader and a guide should educate himself before educating others; before teaching morality to others, he should improve his own morals and character. Whoever educates himself and improves his own morals and character is superior to the person who tries to teach and train others.

In man there is a piece of flesh attached to him. It is the heart. It has wisdom and things contrary to wisdom. If he sees a ray of hope, eagerness humiliates it and when eagerness increases, greed ruins it. If disappointment overtakes it, grief kills it. If anger rises in it, a serious rage develops. If it is blessed with pleasure, it forgets to be cautious. If it becomes fearing, it becomes heedless. If peace extends all round, it becomes neglectful. If it earns wealth, freedom from ease puts it in the wrong. If trouble befalls it, impatience makes it humble. If it faces starvation, distress overtakes it. If its eating increases, heaviness of stomach pains it. Thus, every shortness is harmful to it and every excess is injurious to it.

He is a true adviser who points out your mistakes.

When a community is composed of really honest, sober and virtuous people then your forming bad opinion about any one of its member when nothing wicked has been seen of him is a great injustice to him; on the contrary in a corrupt society, to form good opinion of anyone out of those people and trust him is doing harm to yourself.

If a person has good idea about you, make his idea be true.

Do not enslave yourself to others when the Glorious God has created you free

Half of wisdom is love and friendship with people.(the other half is to guard yourself against the evils of people)

The worth of a man is according to his courage, his truthfulness is according to his balance of temper, his valour is according to his self – respect, and his chasteness is according to his sense of shame.

 

He who is abandoned by near ones is dear to remote ones.

 وَ قَالَ عليه‏السلام: مَنْ ضَيَّعَهُ الْأَقْرَبُ أُتِيحَ لَهُ الْأَبْعَدُ

“People are like waves of the ocean, some cover you with tides of refreshment, whilst others drown you in floods of turmoil”

When you get (only) small favours do not push them away through lack of gratefulness.

وَ قَالَ عليه‏السلام: إِذَا وَصَلَتْ إِلَيْكُمْ أَطْرَافُ النِّعَمِ فَلَا تُنَفِّرُوا أَقْصَاهَا بِقِلَّةِ الشُّكْرِ.

 

“How strange and foolish is man. He loses his health in gaining wealth. Then, to regain his health he wastes his wealth. He ruins his present while worrying about his future, but weeps in the future by recalling his past. He lives as though death shall never come to him, but dies in a way as if he were never born”

 

 

Your Honor is solid, but it becomes liquid when you beg or ask for something from people. Therefore you should see before whom your honor liquefies.

When you gain power over your adversary pardon him by way of thanks for being able to overpower him.

وَ قَالَ ( عليه‏السلام )إِذَا قَدَرْتَ عَلَى عَدُوِّكَ

فَاجْعَلِ الْعَفْوَ عَنْهُ شُكْراً لِلْقُدْرَةِ عَلَيْهِ

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